How to Deal With a Dominating/Controlling Husband

Dealing with a Controlling and Dominating Husband is a very painful issue. Being controlled for every small detail is a big nuisance. Submitting to the husband’s desires, wishes and fancies, definitely takes a toll on the woman’s health.

Here are some ways in which one can deal with a dominating husband:


A husband tends to lose trust from his wife when he feels insecure about their relationship. Do not let insecurity creep into your marriage. Let your husband know what you are doing and whom you are with. Not letting him know your whereabouts will cause him to become suspicious. Open communication is necessary between married couples. Let him know if you do not like a particular behavior of his. Communication is the key to all problems.

Do not Give A Chance :

You as a woman have your own dreams and desires; once you accept unexplainable behavior from your husband he will continue to repeat it. Be firm when you are right and stand up for what you think and believe. You do not have to agree on everything, what is important is how you learn to disagree in the right way.

Do Not Take in Abuse:

Do not take in physical abuse from your husband. It is a sign of weakness. Let your husband understand that you are his better and equal half. Whatever decision has to be taken, it has to be taken by you both as a couple. For this to happen, you should learn to respect each other, and not to hate each other.

Family and Friends:

If things get out of hand then seek the advice of your family and friends. Your husband may behave in such a manner, because of his past or maybe because he had a father who was very dominating. Consult a therapist to help sort out such psychological problems as a couple.

Marriage is a holy partnership between the two of you. Imbalances in control distort the relationship. Divorce is not the answer to this problem, healing your relationship of all the misgivings and learning to respect each other will greatly add to developing the bond between the two of you.

19 responses to How to Deal With a Dominating/Controlling Husband

  1. I guess its a good suggestion…, but the person needs to listen to you when you speak… what if that freedom is also not given to a wife ??????????????????????????

  2. Vani, funny you should say that because my husband doesn’t want me to respond to him either! He gets to get mad at me and tell me what I’ve done or said “wrong”, but then I’m not “allowed” to defend myself or explain it or nothing. He never used to be this way (he was normal), and I don’t know why or how he’s gotten to this point. And I feel so helpless.

  3. Are you two making any headway with your husbands? Getting counseling or learning how to ‘tough love’ your husbands? I pray that you are making progress in strengthening yourselves against this wrong behavior…

  4. Vani,i can understand that this mostly happens.i know how helpless women become when men tend to blame and never listens to what women have to say.all they hear is we are defending ourselves.whereas we are explaining our part to them.these men do it deliberately and they have no interest in listening but def i wud like to ask someone if we have lost the time in over giving in the initial part of life how to get hold now ? because all these men does has become his habit .

    • I’ve been with my husband for 19 yrs, married almost 10. For the first 9yrs he abused me in every way possible while he cheated. After he saw that I was leaving he asked me to marry him knowing that I wanted children. Long story short he has returned to his old dominating and abusive ways. Minus the physical. But the threat of violence is always there. I have no voice with him. I’m living with family. I want a divorce.

  5. I wonder why men are like this,he just want to be listen and adhered to. if it doesn’t go his way you have disrespect him. it annonying and very irritating. I need the grace of God.

  6. All you have to do is be clear in what u have to speak to ur husband…, repeat the communication until ur husband listens to u.. and make him feel how disgusting it is when people dont listen what we speak… ignore his conversation for couple of times…, he will come on track…
    All the best

  7. i’ve always known that i wasn’t the only one with this problem of a husband who tries to control everything, refuses to listen to me and others unless its “business related”, and has now declared that he has given up on me because of “my refusal to change for the better”. i know my position isn’t as bad as that of other women but the feeling of being oppressed by this man makes me feel terribly lonely and desperate. yes, vani, sam, marissa….i have experienced all you have complained about. yes, i agree with you all. it’s good that i’ve this to vent my anguish on. thanks to you all. btw, my husband REFUSES counseling because “that doesn’t work on me”. and yes, prayers are my constant recourse. it just awful to keep bottling this up. NO headway here, he pretends we are “ok” to the public and our families but has declared he shall live on his “own” within this marriage because i keep making alibis and excuses on why i don’t conform to this concept of wife and mother. yeah, great! after not giving up my life in my town, making myself learn all the housewifely duties despite my abhorrence to it….blah blah blah

  8. it’s really damn if you do and damn if you don’t – when you try to be a good wife and balance it with not demeaning yourself because the husband thinks you must become a “stepford wife”.

  9. Has anyone ever felt like they are constantly under scrutiny. Like in everything they do the are asking themselves will this be ok with him? And then answering themselves with “just do the best you can and brace yourself for the nagging criticism about what you did wrong cause it doesn’t matter how well you did it, you did something wrong.” Do you ever find that rules are constantly changing on you? I do and i hope that i am not the only one.

  10. yes i hear you sister. men dont thinkoutside the box it is all about them!!!

  11. Thanks for the counsel but the problem i have is my husband does not listen to me, if i ever tell him of his faults or flaws or express my dislike of a particular behaviour, i have become an enemy and he won’t talk to me for several days or weeks. he yells at me constantly even in public and i cant even talk about it to anyone coz he doesn’t listen to anyone. I really don’t know what to do. I dont want a divorce but i’m really considering separation.

  12. please is there a support group where women can encourage each other in Nigeria?

  13. My husband is the type of person who believes that women are second class. We are females who need to know and stay in their place. If you do not comply with his wishes or his demands you are then disrespecting him as a man. Well, that “man” that he thinks he is is nothing but a coward! I think that they have to make up for what they lack, you get the drift, by trying to be more than what they are. You want respect you better damn well give it. A man is a provider, protector, and someone who will consider you. My husband is neither of these things. He is selfish, disrespectful, lazy, and doesn’t want to do anything that will inconvenience him in any of those ways. In other words he wants to come home from work, not pay the bills, so that he can spend it on his toys, expect the house to be clean, food to served to him, and expect to go to bed without a thank you or “pleasing” me. Why haven’t I left because I am an idiot. I have allowed him to make me feel like I would be nothing without him and I can’t accomplish anything without his help. Guess what…there are no fairy tales and every man is the same. If they don’t have certain faults then they are lacking in other areas. This is the hand that God has given me and I am just going to have to play them with a poker face permanently plastered across it…Cest la vive

  14. My husband is verbally abusive and mentally abusive he is also very controlling . How do I get out of it I have no money he has taken all my money and overdrafted my bank account. I need out cheap I dont even have clothes because he has locked them up so I cant leave. I called the police and they told me that we are married anything that is mine is his too…. Please help

  15. My husband commands me. He tells me when to travel,where to stay,who to see. Recently he says our children will go to the village and stay awhile with his mother. For starters,his mother I do not like,and she will not be around at the time and now he says they will stay with her maid and my maid in the village and I said no,now he says if they will not stay with the maids then I will go with do I leave what I am doing and go to the village while he goes to America?help people cos’ I am choking with his dominaring attitude.

  16. I am the dominating husband how do i fix it

    • I am a dominating husband .I have caused alot of pain and don’t like what i have unknowingly done how do i fix it

  17. Dee said on June 6, 2012

    My hub is a PASTOR and very controlling. He is also verbally and mentally abusive to me and the children. I’m getting fed up and considering a separation.

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