How to Avoid Marriage Muddles?

Posted on May 15, 2008 in Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Marriage Proposals

Most marriages start with lot of promises but end with an unhappy note. There cannot be only one reason or a pattern in the marital relationships to break up; but marriages that last do show that there was one or both the partners’ belief that the marriage should last.

No marriages are happy per se. It is the individuals who are happy with their own selves and project things to be good around them. If you are not happy you cannot make your marriage happy. If your partner is unhappy s/he cannot make a happy marriage.

You need to choose to be happy first and that will set your marriage right. Do things that make you happy and accept the other as they are. Just as there are things which you do not like in others, similarly the other will also find lot of unpleasant things in you but it is the happy disposition that draws other nearer. Happiness is “acceptance”, “submission” and “tuning up with others”.

If your partner has a philandering habit, you can’t change him. He will learn through his life when to stop all that and act responsibly. So focus on things that make you feel good and do things that will make you feel content and secured.

Sometimes being away fro each other for a longer time create a distance between the partners. Nowadays work takes away a great chunk out of a person’s life. They spend longer working hours at workplaces.

Spending long hours at workplaces is one of the reasons why we are likely to develop stronger bonds with people at work place. At workplaces you and your colleagues share the same challenges and anxiety and so you understand each other better. The friendship can be between opposite sexes or same sex and need not be sexual as well.

But when the spouse is left unattended for a longer period and specially during times when one is emotionally pent up the relationship loses the attraction for each other. The partners feel intolerable with each other and the partner who spends more time at home feels neglected and sometimes likely to seek love and affection elsewhere.

When both the partners are working one of the partners may just be causal about the relationship while the other is so passionate that the latter seeks companionship outside and moves out. But this moving out and building up goes on until someone is married more than once and with two or three live-ins in quest for happiness or the perfect partner.

The result undoubtedly is not always very pleasant. Children are mostly affected by parental irresponsibility because they cannot bear the absence of one or the other parent while one or the parent is enjoying the bliss in a new-found relationship. On the whole, the situation is quite complex.

Marriage is a partnership deal. Both the partners need to work on it. Unrealistic demands sometimes put the partners to test and finally the partner who feels is getting a raw deal leaves. The fact that nobody wants to lose and nobody wants to sacrifice just gives way to the muddling of relationships.

If you enter marriage thinking that s/he will make you happy, you are actually making a bad deal. Nobody on this earth except God and you can make you happy. So start taking responsibilities in all that you do and stop blaming others and yourself. Think positive and do things that will give you and others happiness as well. So brace up for making a bit of sacrifice in your life.

You cannot make others happy if you don’t feel a bit of the pinch and when somebody is trying to make you happy is also taking a bit of pain to do that. Just be involved with eyes wide open and expect a little less.

All the best!

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