How To Talk To Your Spouse, Without Fighting ?

Posted on September 13, 2008 in Tips for A Husband

Marriage is a very special relationship between two human beings. It enables one to get very intimate to another human being. Unfortunately the more close we get to someone, the more we take them for granted and talk to them the way we want.

The more we know a person the more we become aware of his/her qualities, some which we like and some which we are not very fond of. In a marriage especially we believe that we have every right over our spouse and try to mould him/her as a person we want them to be like.

However, our constant efforts of improving the person’s behaviors turn out into nagging. Though we try to do it for our spouse’s good, it is viewed in an unapproachable manner and has a negative effect on our spouse.

In spite of telling your spouse what he/she needs to do they would definitely end up not doing the task, so it is best that one avoid talking to them about the issue.

According to various researches the more you tell an individual to do or not do a thing, the more they will avoid listening to you.  Telling them is like forcing them to do a particular thing and when being forced the brain simply blocks the unpleasant stimulus making one immune to the constant nagging and shouting.

The use of words is therefore very important when one talks to their spouse because it determines the tone and nature of what you are saying. Are you telling things or demanding them?  When the tones turn out to be more like a demand or a question the individual gets put off and would try staying away from you. You could avoid this by choosing the right words while talking to your spouse. Instead of saying

“ Do that washing” you could say, “Could you do the washing”
“Don’t throw your clothes there,” you could say, “ Please don’t throw the clothes there”
“Get me some vegetables”, you could say, “Will you get me some vegetables”

Don’t question them about things instead tell them about it. When they forget about it just gently remind them and if they still forget it let them bear the consequence of it.

For instance if you repeatedly asked them to buy vegetables and they have forgotten about it in spite of the constant reminder, serve them plain food and when they ask you about it, tell them that they forgot about the vegetables that is why you had to cook plain food.

If they have not forgotten the task assigned to them, reward them with praise and acknowledgement. .

Also make sure that your spouse knows the task assigned to him/her. They may not like doing some tasks, so you could avoid clashes by handling such tasks. If both of you don’t like doing the task, you could either do it together as a team or take some help from outside.

Sometimes silence also does wonders; not nagging may automatically set your spouse to do the task assigned to them.

You could put up a chart, which is very visible to your spouse. You could either stick it on the fridge or on the cupboard, which could remind your spouse about the task, assigned to him/her, this way they will not forget what they have to do.

Tackling chores with prudence and perseverance will be very helpful for you and your marriage.

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