Are You Fighting Because of Your In-Laws?

It’s been said we don’t marry a person; we marry a family.  If you’re married, then you have learned the truth of that saying. Families are as different as day and night, and the chance that you married into a family just like yours is not very likely.

There may be times when you and your spouse will find yourselves fighting about each other’s family. It may seem to you that your spouse feels their family is more important than yours. This may make you angry and you will, in turn, begin listing the faults of your spouse’s family.

These fights may drive you both crazy, so here are some tips on how to avoid fights about family. Instead, resolve to maintain peace between the two of you.

1.  Never Degrade the Other’s Family. There may be several reasons why you may not like your spouse’s family. No matter how intense your dislike is for your spouse’s family, make sure that you do not degrade them. Remember that you are married to your soul mate because of your in-laws.

2.  Do Not Backbite. Not only should you not speak ill about your in-laws to your spouse, but make sure you are not speaking ill about them to your friends or, most importantly, to your relatives. Your spouse will undoubtedly get wind of it through the “grapevine” and may be very hurt. This, in turn, may affect your marriage.

3.  Attend Parties. Some individuals may hurt their spouse by not attending any parties or events hosted by their spouse’s family. This, too, can be very hurtful because it seems to reinforce your feeling that they think their family is more important than yours. So, no matter what, swallow your EGO, attend the party, and keep your spouse happy.

Remember, you married this family so owe them your respect.  Once they feel you respect them, they just may return the respect to you.

3 responses to Are You Fighting Because of Your In-Laws?

  1. 1) You are married to your spouse because you chose to marry them. You are not married to your spouse’s family. Let me see that marriage certificate: right, there are two people in a marriage.

    2) Keep that secret. Don’t let anyone know what the ILs are doing, because abuse can only continue if you keep the dirty little secret. Did you know that dysfunctional families rely on secrecy? Exposure for what they really are is the thing they fear most. By playing happy families, you enable them to continue this game.

    3) If you keep playing the game by the ILs rules, and deny your feelings, and keep letting them abuse you, everything will be fine…No one has stood up to them before, so you are expected to lay down and take it, too.

  2. I love when people use “family” as an excuse to act like shitheads….

    good stuff..

  3. TD said on March 19, 2010

    I think that this article misses a very important item. I have an inlaw who has tried to get all her 4 sons to divorce their wives. ALL of my brother in laws have been married at least twice, and the mother has interfered with raising of the children, belittling every wife “who took her son from her”.
    She has protected the sons who have abuse grandchildren, rather that protected the grandchildren.

    Relationships like this also have deep seated problems with the sons who were raise as ones can do no wrong. They are unhealthy and it is wise to avoid contact which means discussion, open discussion must occur with the spouse about his/her family.

    My inlaws whom I have not spoken to or seen for 15 years still try to ruin my business and interfere with my realtionship with my husband including trying to get him to date other women. They have interfered with their granchildrens lives, and coddle those who behave poorly (drugs or alchohol or sex addictions by saying well its not their fault…)

    So, I think that this comment by the author is missing some key elements, such as why an attitude towards in laws exists, does the husband support the wife he married (or the other way around) or does one get sucked into the negativity towards the spouse by the inlaws, or is the relationship toxic.

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