Communication in Marriage

Did you mean what you said?

The United States of America is going through the worst phase of human history with almost every other marriage breaking up with a divorce. Though the rate is different in other countries, the percentage of divorces has increased the last five years. A news magazine went onto say that Infidelity is one of the top most reasons for divorce. However psychiatrists and counselors believe that more than anything what makes a marriage bad is lack of communication.

When two people are in love and exchange vows most of them tend to stretch oneself to finding time with each other. Looking into each others eyes just like that, mushy talks, cloudy kisses make the courtship extremely lovable. The occasional fight in the end only adds up to passion. However many believe that this changes soon after marriage, which is quite untrue.

Many people believe that men get a bit easier after marriage and women start asking for more. The reason behind this is considered the different areas of brains used mostly by both the sexes. However if seen carefully, as per relatively newer thoughts, the expectation levels from both the sexes increase but in directions not experienced before marriage. What counselors do and what the couples don’t do is LISTEN to each other about these directions.

It is a funny, but important, fact that many couples believe that in order TAKE they need to GIVE (though not in selfish terms). However the culture that brings up making people believe that men and women come from different planets, does not teach them that in order to TALK you need to LISTEN.

Empathy is another attitude. What surprises counselors and researches is that the married people recognize others moods as theirs so much to the extent that they do not know how to handle it. This might come out as saying, “What happened now?” This is another way of asking “Did I do anything wrong”, or “I was happy until now and I suddenly don’t want to lose it.” In another way this could be seen as caught in between ‘my spouse’ and ‘I’.

Failure to recognize caught in between empathy as a way of learning to stay in a marriage is another reason. So the next time you want to shout at your spouse, understand that you are not angry but learning. Learning something for a life time, because no matter what you cannot be the other person.

Successful marriages have one secret behind it. Apart from expressing thoughts (talking) and empathizing (again talking) the also do the talking in another way. They make SILENCE do the talking. It is not just NOT TALKING even a gentle touch, a refreshing tea, a greeting card, a flower, or even washing off socks or dusting the sofa work.

So communication is not just about talking and listening, it is doing your best in the most affecting way possible and even using your CREATIVITY to an extent.