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Posted on December 11, 2007 in Tips for A Wife
Trying to understand the reason that makes him drink will help you understand his problem better. Let’s look at a few of the possible reasons.
Why does he drink?
Very often a person might start to drink when he is not able to solve the problems, rather not ready to solve them. At other times it might have been just for fun. Yet sometimes it might have been a habit that he has picked up from his parents. The very fact that he has become a drunkard shows that he has lost his control over his actions. The drunkard has become addicted to alcohol, which is nothing but a disease.
Addicted to alcohol
If your husband is addicted to alcohol then he is suffering from a disease as chronic as cancer, which can become fatal at times. Yes, it is a disease, but do not panic. This disease can also be treated just like any another, but not without your help.
Do not cover his drinking habit, as it will contribute to his habit. Instead face the reality and make him realize it too, if he does not honestly do that. Being an enabler you will be indirectly helping him drink.
You might be having a sensitive husband who though realizes his problem, is not able to overcome it. He can overcome it only if he has your support. A wife is the closest companion whose love and patience can do the magic.
Be patient with him. Do not nag, criticize or comment him as this does not help at all. Instead try talking to him when he is not drunk. Remind him of his promises to end drinking just as he sits down to drink. Try to distract him from drinking during his drinking hours.
Remind him that he is actually driving away his family by his drinking habit. Tell him that if he needs them, he should try to leave the drinking habit and not his family.
Convince him to go to a counselor. Tell him that he must do it to regain his own self-esteem. See a psychiatrist if needed, because the doctor knows better.
If you have children, it becomes all the more necessary that your husband should stop drinking. Having a drunkard at home, might adversely affect the psyche of the children. Try and make him understand that he has to do it for his children if he is not willing o do it for himself.
If your efforts and his determination are sincere then he will surely succeed in overcoming his drinking habits. However, the fact that should be kept in mind is that he should never be allowed to touch drinks again or you will have to begin again from where you had started.
I am sure you can bring him back on the right track. Nevertheless, if your husband is not ready to make a move towards ending this habit, it is better to leave him alone and move ahead with your own life.
24 Responses to “How To Deal With An Alcoholic Husband?”
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My husbands tells me that Im the reason he drinks. Its a sad and lonely situatuion for me
You are not the reason he drinks he just needs to play the blame game. My husband is an alcoholic
my husband is an alcoholic and I don’t know what to do. I have dealt with it for many years but I am so alone. We don’t have a marriage at all.
my husband tells me he wants to quit drinking and he does for maybe 1 week but then he goes back and i sometimes feel like he tells me that only to buy some time so i wont leave. he won’t get help but will beg me not to leave i don’t know what to do anymore please help
I think your right, lizz. Your husband most likely wants to quit however he can’t and he still wants his cake too. (meaning you) It is hard to leave, I know. I am still with my husband because although he drinks, he is perfect with everything else. It is difficult. I still don’t know exactly what to do but I did read that alanon meetings are a good start.
My husband is much critical he dont work, he wants money he borrows, steals and even threatens me for money. I am afraid he might kill me for money. I wish to escape from him, what I feel is no person can get rid of alcoholism and I dont want to be a fool anymore paying my husband’s liability and protecting my family to be safe in front of public
hi my name is heather I’ve been married to my husband for 3 going on 4 yrs I’ve been having to deal with my husbands drinking for the whole time we were married the thing is he won’t quite drinking for me he tells me how he’s the one paying the bills and this and that but he hasn’t spent any time with our daughter everytime he has a day off it’s spent in his room drinking and ordering paperview porn and now we have another $100 dollar dish network bill it hurts me inside because if i were to bring up his alcohol problem I get threated that he’ll leave he uses the fact that he works i don’t and that he does all this other stuff and that I need to work on doing more I’m even going into couseling i don’t know what to do or say because i get attacked every time.
heather
So what do you do?! None of these websites let you know what to do or how to react to help your husband. Do you have to leave them to help them get better? Leaving someone doenst always teach them something. And how do you deal when you might have a slight problem yourself? I know I can beat this on my own but with him asking and pushing alcohol on me I cant seem to get past it. And he doesnt care ,even if I try to blam it all on me trying to get better.
I am at the end of my ropes here, my husband drinks everyday- and we do have children. He doesnt see a problem here, and his response is,” i dont get drunk everyday”, but he still drinks… he always says hes gonna quit, but he doesnt want to try, he will go a day and right back again…he has asked me for help…but when i tried it did no good, and whenever i refuse to get it for him, his own mother or someone else will make it available for him….i dont think my situation is going to have a positive outcome….SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my fiance blames me for everything. he says im the sole reason he drinks.he has 3 dui’s and the courts finally put him in 6 month court order rehab. he has been there almost a month and he wrote to tell me that i’m the reason for his drinking and that being that he will have to end our relationship in order for him to get out. i don’t even drink. has he lost his mind.
I have no marriage after 31 years of living with an alcoholic, recently lost my job, and now HE lives in the spare room, and I feel guilty because we are roommates. My family thinks that marriages should last as long as our parents ( 50 years ). I am miserable and sad, but recently remembered something my dad used to tell me all the time, “take care of yourself”. He is dead, but now i know what he was trying to tell me.
Hello everyone,
I have been married for 25YRS yes 25YRS to a drunkard I have two children and like some of you when he isnt drinking he is a nice person, I have put up with soo very much and feel there is no one to help or talk to as everyone has their own problems. If I have learnt one thing. We have a life too I know how hard it is as their behaviour does impact greatly on us but we must care about ourselves I have a job I love, get a job start to care about yourself join a gym a club anything so your isnt constantly focused on them this will empower you.
27 & my husband is 29 and he is a alcoholic he hides it in the house i finds empty bottles he comes in at all hours of the night then accuses me of cheating because he stay drunk all the time i have a one year old who have seen it all from blood sheding fights to loud arguments to the police being involed now im 4 months pregnant and ready to leave. he left me and my child and went to las vegas without paying the rent or even pampers now hes coming back and i have no respect for him at all. i feel sorry for him
Since my husband lost his job last year early December, he’s turned from a closet, social-functioning drinker to a heavy alchololic drinker. It’s so ridiculous too because we have 2 small children (ages 3,5)and I’m at my wits end!!!!!
It seems like we are all in the same boat. The only answer is God. Pray, pray and more prayers. However, with this said, I am going to ask my husband to leave and then I will pray that he can be free of this demon forever and then pray that we are reunited. He can either get better or he kill himself. In either case, it is ultimately his decision. I cannot take responsiblity for his actions. Every action has a consequence. Every bad choice will have a negative outcome, and a good choice will create a positive results. Trust me when I say, none of us are to blame. Let me give you example’s. My husband worked many, many hours as a floor installer to support me staying home with my 2 daughters. My husband would say, he needed to drink because he worked to much. Then it was because I didn’t give him enough attention, or not enough affection. Then he said he didn’t feel loved. Then when the flooring business slowed down, he said he drank because he didn’t have enough work and he felt financial pressure. Let me just say, it has nothing to do with me. Here’s proof. After 12 years of being home with my children, I went back to work and recently, have made enough money so that he only had to work part-time (that was a gift from God from many many prayers) We recently took a wonderful trip to Europe. I have given him more attention than ever and he finally admitted to me that his drinking has nothing to do with me. He just can’t stop and it was easier for him to blame it on me than to face the truth….that he is an out of control alcoholic. So there you have it. The blame is not ours to accept ..that was freeing. Sadly and unfortunately, he can’t seem to break free from these chains of alcohol in the comfort of his own home. We have a beautiful home in the country. 2 wonderful athletic and smart daughters. Everything anyone would hope for. YET!! He can’t stop. Therefore, I do believe tough love is the answer for us. I have been praying for this answer and I believe this may be it……….. Know that there is nothing any of us can do except to pray. God Bless.
I have been married for 6 years and have 3 kids with my husband,his drinking is all he cares about and he makes promises to stop drinking but never keeps them.I’m a home maker and not sure that I can make it on my own with 3 young kids,so how can I help save my marriage and help my husband to stop drinking for good.I don’t drink at all and have been trying to follow God and make my life and most important my kids lives better and happy,but I don’t want our marriage ending to be the way out and I want to be sure I have done everything I can to save this marriage.Please help?
My husband is an alcoholic..we’ve been together for 3 yrs. now and with one child..i’m afraid that our daughter will be affected..everytime he was drunk i’ll try to be silent but sometimes i can’t control myself to talk..the worse is i’m working and everyday he’s at home taking care of our daughter but most of the time he is also addicted with computer games..and when I comfronted him about his playing games in computer his mad at me. Not only that he spunk me and also my mother..please help me..
I’m a bit annoyed because on July 5th, I wrote something else that was never printed here. It was an extension of what I wrote the day prior. What I said was this…. I went to church the day after my first comment, on July 5th, and the preacher talked about giving each other Grace and Mercy. It was exacly what I was asking God!! I asked, what do I do Lord? Do I leave or do I stay? He answered my prayers through the preaching that day. Unless there is physical abuse to you or your kids, I believe we must give our husbands grace and mercy. That’s what God gives us every day. Although we don’t sin in the same way as our husbands do, we are all indeed sinners. I have been so blessed by going to a Bible believing church. What I have learned from God’s word is how to live. It’s the “How to” book we are all looking for. It’s a process, but a wonderful one. Not only that, but you will meet some wonderful people who will pray for you and help guide you based on God’s ways. Prayer is the most powerful weapon againt this disease. If you lead by example, at the least, your children will be saved. But I guarantee you, in time, your husband will want the peace and faith that you have. But you must first find it yourself and live it. There is nothing more powerful than a praying wife and a praying mother and living by example. Those prayers do not go unheard or unanswered. However, it may not be in our timing. Remember God’s timing is always perfect. You may not find the perfect church right off the bat. (by the way, there is no such thing as a perfect church because they are run by human beings- only God is perfect) But, That’s ok. There is nothing wrong with visiting a few before you find the right fit. Just make sure it is a Bible based, Bible reading church. Also, I advise you to watch Joyce Meyer. She has helped me tremendously!! She is a no nonsense woman who has crawled up from the depths of hell. She was molested for years by her father and through God she found grace, mercy and forgiveness. She now has a ministry that helps millions of people in the U.S as well as all over the world. Watch her and listen to her. She will quote scripture and make it come alive!! Blessings………I do know what your going through….JJ
Destiny – What do you mean he spunk you and your mother?
i been married for fourteen years my husband has a drinking problem and does not want to admitt to it please pray for me and my family
I have been living with an angry man that has a drinking problem for 30 years I have left him 5 or 6 times I wanted to more times that I can count including now. He always sobers up and begs me to come back home. I wished I could tell you why I do. Plese tell me if a restraining order would be a good idea when I leave again. I don’t want him begging or getting angry. Thanks alot
My husband of one year drinks 2 bottles of red wine everynight – he is a professional, good looking – however, aging before his time. He is very angry and misunderstands conversation most of the time (to be negative). He mentions killing himself occassionally and is not a very happy person. He is abusive to me whenever he can. He is nicer in front of other people as he competes with me and even thinks my family like him more than me, when they really think he has no class. I am a bit scared of leaving him not sure how abusive he will become? Every other night I feel scared with the loud abuse. He is very controlling about me as if he owns me. I really want to leave him – however, I want to do it the safest way – I have no family here as I moved interstate to be with him. Any suggestions appreciated. I have gone to a couple of Al non meetings and I noticed that living with an alcholic – has a really bad effect on the non alcholic’s health. God Bless
My husband and I are splitting after 10 years of marriage, he comes home from work and and 5-15 beers a night, we have a 7 year old. My fear is him drinking alone with my child, what do I do to stop this. I am affraid for my sons saftey.
I know what you are all saying. I left my first husband after 16 years because of alcohol. I am about to leave my 2nd of 3 years because of alcohol. What is it about me that attracts the alcoholic? I wish I knew. They never stop, they keep on drinking. Leave, don’t leave…it is all the same to them. I am sad that it has come to this again. The alcoholic cannot care about anyone but themselves. It is the alcohol that defines them. It is the alcohol that controls them.