Complaining about a deteriorating marriage is not the solution to a happy and successful life with your spouse. It is natural for everyone to share their burdens with someone but some prefer solving their own problems. In a marriage however sharing each otherâ€™s experience is important to make each other feel loved and cared for. The need to share oneâ€™s experience would however follow from a sense of empathy and not pity or sympathy.
Empathy can be defined as putting oneself in the position of the other. This is difficult unless one goes through a similar experience. But people are different and their reactions and abilities to tackle situations are also different. It is as simple as offering an alternative solution that may have not crossed his or her mind.
Confronting emotional conflicts:
Empathy means taking care of your and your spouseâ€™s emotions. Marital studies show that couples who are able to wear off stressful situations outside a marriage lead happier lives than those who donâ€™t or those who cannot. Here are ways that can help you seek happiness in your marriage:
- Never ignore your partnerâ€™s words and give your undue attention to him or her.
- Do not minimize your spouseâ€™s feelings but validate them with your concern and solutions.
- Show a genuine interest in his or her problem.
- Do not rush to fix problems but suggest viable solutions to overcome them.
- Always respond with affection, support and understanding when your spouse approaches you with a problem, query, etc.
Arguments are healthy in a relationship but when they acquire a violent and disruptive nature then you can be sure of failing marriage. Marital experts assert that it is here that one should try using anger constructively and not destructively. Disagreements are natural but anger should not pervade the territories of marital bliss and harmony to destroy everything that existed.
Researchers say that couples should fight but it should be on fair and justified grounds. The rules of a fair fight they claim include the following:
- Having control of your emotions is important. Anger is not bad but use it in a way to assert your point and not suppress or demean your spouse.
- Realize that you two arenâ€™t enemies but simply people with different opinions.
- Never use confidential issues as weapons in an argument with your spouse because that will make your partner feel more insecure in the marriage.
- Never walk off trying to escape the situation but try reaching a solution always.
- Avoid criticizing your spouse and appreciate his or her feelings and views.
Helping one cope with silence:
Another hurdle which couples face in their marriage is when the husband is not very vocal about his feelings while the wife is too expressive about them. Experts claim that with the help of these ways you can help your spouse to open up more:
- Try understanding his silence through gestures and behavior instead of annoying him with your insisting questions and doubts.
- The other way could be to ask directly.
- Phrase your sentences in a way that it would include him in the conversation.
- Argue in a constructive and practical manner.
- Give him the opportunity to speak more often than you do.
- Acknowledge his silence and try making conversation interesting for him.
- Know the right moment to strike a conversation.
Coordination of efforts and emotions can help couples achieve success in a marriage. Remember that it requires a chain of efforts to reach the ideal state of marriage and this chain begins with empathy which is automatically followed by willingness, initiation, sharing and finally arriving at solutions for problems.