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Posted on November 13, 2007 in Arranged Marriage
The arranged marriage has always been a hot topic of discussion. There are two main views about it-one supporting the arranged marriages and the second, opposing arranged marriages. The opponent’s views on arranged marriage strongly oppose the practice of arranged marriages.
Why are arranged marriages opposed?
The arranged marriages are in practice all around the world. In arranged marriages, the parents or the eldest male member in the family selects a spouse for the young and marriageable boy or girl. Young boys and girls in the countries where the practice of arranged marriages is common are told from the early age that the family will choose their spouse for them.
The girl marries a boy because her family has decided the spouse for her and she needs a husband and financial and social security. Although this marriage is not based on love totally, there is always some sultry tension going up under the surface.
One biggest opposition is to the fact that the son or the daughter, who opposes to the arranged marriage, gets disowned and treated badly.
The argument of opponent’s views on arranged marriage alleges that the only reason for the couple to be together is the pressure of the two families and of the society as a whole. They are concerned to keep the marriage going no matter whether it is successful or not.
It is often seen in some cases that if the husband and wife don’t go along together, the husband may become abusive and violent with his wife. Even, the in-laws of the husband might be offensive with her, if they don’t be able to adjust with her.
Do arranged marriages really work?
Though opinions differ on this subject, the opponent’s views on arranged marriage say that they get many problems together. Statistics tell us that the divorce rate for arranged marriages is quite low than United States. But the opponents say that this is because the couple marries in pressure and they do not have the option of divorce.
Even when the girl and the boy do not like the spouse that their family selected for them, they may get divorce. But with this, they get renounced by their parents. The society also treats them bad.
Arranged marriage amongst immigrant people divides the communities. It is considered bad not only for the particular women referred but also for the women of society. Women are vulnerable and the society tends to manipulate them as they wish. The women face even more problem as they are far off home and are totally dependent on their husband’s family. It prevents integration in the communities and promotes mistrust.
More over, there is a very little difference and a fading line between the arranged marriage and the forced marriage. The opponent’s views on arranged marriage term the arranged marriage no less than a forced marriage.
18 Responses to “Opponents’ Views on Arranged Marriage”
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The whole concept of arranged marriage is explained wrong here.
The article seems to explain ‘forced’ marriage not arranged marriage. In arranged marriage, the family or onself decides on the criteria of selection for the spouse and they kind of line up prospective candidates. This is followed by talking to each one, dropping till you find the best one. The person him/herself makes the final call. The term ‘arranged’ is used because a ‘process’ is being followed here as opposed to the other kind (love marriage ?) where you like someones physical appearance, start going around just to have a nice time but become so much friends that you end up marrying that person. This is the hap-hazard way of getting married. There is no intial intention to get married, things just happen and people often realize later that it should not have happened. All real concerns of marriage are sidelined in love-marriages saying ‘if we love each other, we will fix everything’ !!!
are there any statistics to support the assertion that divorce rates are lower for arranged marriages?
yeah pradeep is rite..arranged marriage is like going to a supermarket and choosing wat suits u best..they jus line them one by one..and dropping out failed applicants!! when u meet a person in life, other than in de marriage supermarket, u jus c their physical beauty..but once u r in de supermarket, u amazingly get this power to go beyond beauty huh! any logic in this dude? and u said, they start going around and become so much frnds tat they end up marrying!! so, tat means, u shd neva marry a gud friend..and u say THIS, where u actually be with this person and know him, even if a little bit, a HAP-HAZARD way of getting married!!as far as i have seen, arranged marriages happen in a fraction of time!i’ve seen record timings like, guy c de gal, likes her..decides to marry!! all in a matter of 15 mins!!
I think arranged marriages are better… Indians are more conservative in there value system than in america… in america its all about pleasure and if things dont work out ill just get a divorce… they lack of priniciples, morals and ethics in american society in my opinion… indians are more inclined to have a stronger belief system in prinicples and family and really that is the only real reason why arranged marriage works for us… another thing is that most girls in the US have already had many bf’s and sexual encounters, I could never marry such a girl…
arranged marriage is a good idea in theory – i agree with that. but often in arranged marriages the couple is forced to be together because of family pressure. so they will basically live the rest of their lives miserably, rather than take the humiliation of being divorced. or whatever.. sometimes arranged marriages happen for the sake of the families well being, not the individual.
and since when can you look at a picture of someone and decide that they have what you need .. or look at their family bg and decide that theyre right for you ? you dont really know someone until you meet them.
you make love marriages sounds so horrible. but really, not everyone rushes into marriage. the difference is that they do it to be happy, so if their not happy anymore, they leave. i guess in an arranged marriage you dont really marry for happiness.
i know of a lot of couples with failed arranged marriages and also some with failed love marriages. the difference is that the arranged married couples are still together and miserable. the love marriage ones are divorced and getting on with their lives.
i think that some arrange marriges do last and even i a peron don’st know the peroson sometime end up falling in love with them afterwards
45-50% divorce rate in the US.
1.1% divorce rate in India.
5-7% divorce rate of all arranged marriages.
OHhh please, people, lets remember what century we live in now!!!! Hello , its 2009!!!! “that most girls in the US have already had many bf’s and sexual encounters, I could never marry such a girl”….. sex is not taboo in the world, anymore, and women just as meN are allowed to have pleasure. Just cuz women have previous sex encounters doesn’t make them dirty, it makes them experienced, and men like you are scared of women like that , cuz you don’t know what u doing!!!And want an innocent girl who doesn’t know any better and you could feel like a man , on your wedding night. ….. I think arrianged marriages are good for people who know what they are doing and don’t want any other way, but it sounds like majority of those who do it , do it mindlessly cuz society says its time to get married , and cuz parents picked somebody good for you, and admitt it , they will only pick for you if that person is rich ! That’s discrimination!!!! What about thinking for youself and being a responsible adult !!! Yea maybe there is a bigger divorce rate in love marriages, but I agree that in Indian culture , the society itself imposes that divorce is shame and so on, and you know it if all the neighbors and friends are gonna talk about you,,,,, ooooh you have to make it work, even you cannot stand your husband which you picked cuz he’s a doctor and you really cannot stand his personality… WE Live only once people …..Find happiness!!!!! Don’t let somebodies made laws dictate your life. Life is adventure!!!!
what da f………
Arranged Marriage Is Wrong and should be abolished ! Ok i may only be 14 but doing ethics, and studying and researching aranged mariages, i can already tell that it is wrong. You need the freedom that you would normally have in a normal mariage. You should be able to pick the person you fall in love with. Afer all, your partber is menat to be your bestfriend, soulmate and overall partner for life. People deserve to have the choice to who they fall in love with.
Just because cultures with arranged marriages have lower divorce rates, you cannot conclude that arranged marriages are necessarily better than non-arranged marriages. There are too many other social and cultural factors to consider. The biggest one is that in many cultures where arranged marriages are the norm, divorce is taboo.
Also, women typically do not have the same social, legal, or financial standing as men and often cannot become financially independent and support themselves and their children. Often, a divorced woman is often not accepted back into her parents’ or siblings’ homes, and many times she has no way to earn enough money to support herself. So…the decision is “live with this person I really don’t like or be homeless and destitute”. hmm…wonder what they choose? Also, men who divorce can be seen as big embarrassments and disgraces to their families.
Also, there might be less freedom for people involved in such arrangements to express satisfaction or dissatisfaction. Women, in particular, may be tied by fear of the consequences if they express dissatisfaction. I think also it depends very much on the educational and cultural level of the families and on the society in which they live.
I do not know why people think arranged marriages are a good idea.
You don’t understand that in some countries This is the normal thing. The wife has the choice to turn down their “suitor”. Also the couple is set up by religious, ethnic, and socio back-rounds.
Arranged marriages are set up with the couples best interests in mind. They don’t just sit their and let everyone else choose their lives as you may or may not think.
Trust me, Indians are one of the egoist ppl on this planet and we are a bunch of idiots. When you point out some drawbacks of our culture, we get united and say all sorry of crap to prove ourselves. To be frank, marriages in India are a big nonsense.
Arranged marriages are as bad as dowry system, I wish as a society we grow up and try to liberal.
I think that when people view marriage as a lifelong committment they are more likely to make decisions in their life that support that philiosophy and are more willling to work through marital problems when they arrise. It doesn’t matter if the marriage is arranged or not, but rather the expectation of the two people taking those vows.
Too many people these days don’t take marriage seriously enough and simply ditch their spouse and children if they think they might be happier. With an arranged marriage or a mariage with serious committment such as those that truly do mean “until death do us part” are more likely to work out their problems, stay together and find happiness.
I think our instant gratification society does not support family values such as marriage. Even religeous beliefs don’t seem to interfere with our individual pursuit of happiness any more.
Marriage should be between the two people and not the entire families. Since it involves the entire family when it comes to arranged marriage, I believe it’s not natural or right or healthy. Parents need to learn to let go of their children by a certain age. Arranged marriage supports the attachment of parent and child. The love marriage is ideal but has been abused by couples who act too quickly because of strong initial feelings yet haven’t realized the reality of marriage or long-term committment. But they learn and what is wonderful is that they are allowed to make that mistake and allowed to fix it. It’s the freedom to make your own mistakes but also it’s freedom to bring happiness into your life. And what about those that are gay or want to stay single or aren’t interested in marrying or having children? Families who encourage arranged marriages makes it hard also for these people to live authentically. And just because the parents are of old age, doesn’t make them wise. And when the arranged marriage goes bad, whose to blame? Whose held accountable? The older people who helped decide who was best suited for their son/daughter?
It’s not instant gratification that is the problem in our society. It’s lack of freedom in the world and racism in the world that is the problem. Get over your culture, religion, family background, caste, or whatever you so strongly identify with. We are all human first! No one is better than anyone based on their origin, ethnicity, color, beauty, wealth, religion, gender! No, love marriage does end for some, but you know what? People make mistakes. Did you not know that? Have you never made a mistake? Making a relationship work is hard.
I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I would rather have no family than have one who treats me like property or pressures me into something I don’t believe in or doesn’t respect my individuality or encourage me to be my own person and follow my heart.
You have the freedom to choose to marry who your parents want you to marry. Go ahead and do that Just always keep in mind that it is WRONG for you to make others who choose to marry someone based on love feel like an outsider or unindian or however you have verbalized them in your mind.
arranged marriages is wrong. I’m Cambodian and we some of us still beleive in arranged marriages today. I feel like it should be between the two people not the parents or family. I HATE people who judges someone just because they have ex b/fs or had pre marital sex. That doesn’t make the girl a slut or a whore. I feel like when you get into an arranged marriage, you’re just doing that to make your parents happy. Can’t get a divorce because my parents are going to be ashamed of me so I’d rather be stuck in misery forever. When people asked, how do did you guys mee? Oh: we got in an arranged marriage, and we kind of got to know each other for a few days. How the hell does that sound? really people. I would NEVER do that to my kids when I do have kids. But, I’ll just try to guide them in the right direction that’s all. But, life, love, people aren’t perfect. Live and learn.
arranged marriages is wrong. Can’t get a divorce because my parents are going to be ashamed of me so I’d rather be stuck in misery forever. When people asked, how do did you guys meet? Oh: we got in an arranged marriage, and we kind of got to knew each other for a few days. How the hell does that sound? really people. I would NEVER do that to my kids, when I do have kids. But, I’ll just try to guide them in the right direction that’s all. But, life, love, people aren’t perfect. Live and learn.
My first marriage was arranged, my brother knew this family and they were looking for a boy. We met only once, talked for few hours. My stupid brother put so much pressure on me, I said yes to marry that girl. My biggest mistake, I did. Year later, I got divorce. I could not stand her, she hated me as much as I hated her. We were totally opposite of each other.
Three years later, my uncle introduce me to another girl, we mat and talked. We went on dates for three months. Then I said I will marry her. No one put any pressure on me. I choose to marry her. I am still married to her after six years.
Arrange marriage has few meanings. But at the end, you have to choose not your family or any one else.
I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I would rather have no family than have one who treats me like property or pressures me into something I don’t believe in or doesn’t respect my individuality or encourage me to be my own person and follow my heart.
You have the freedom to choose to marry who your parents want you to marry. Go ahead and do that Just always keep in mind that it is WRONG for you to make others who choose to marry someone based on love feel like an outsider or unindian or however you have verbalized them in your mind
thanks lydia